Inadequate

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
-2 Corinthians 12:9
      Every year my church's youth group go to a retreat known as the "Grace Retreat". The last time I attended was two years ago, but this year I decided I would go again as a small group leader. The small group leaders have a lot of responsibility, as they have to lead a group of 5-10 youth members in Bible study. It's very difficult to be an effective small group leader because they youth get really tired and disinterested if you are not engaging. Also, the leader gets very little sleep, having to attend early prayer meetings and going to bed late. By the way, this is all stuff I observed and heard from previous leaders. This year will be the first time I will be a leader for the Grace Retreat.
      After I decided to become a leader, I realized something that troubled me a lot; I am not an adequate leader. Recently I haven't been reading the Bible as much as I should have, and I have been struggling with sin. My spiritual life has been very dead, and I feel very hypocritical. At church I put on this facade of being okay, but in reality I am not. I've been doing the things I want to do rather than seeking the things God wants me to do.
      I wouldn't say that I am a fit leader for the Grace Retreat. Not even close. I've let my laziness and indifference make me inadequate to be a leader. However, I'm reminded of one thing that my friend told me- "God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called". I am also reminded of is the song "All in All", where the lyrics read "You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all". If I try to fix my inadequacy on my own, I will achieve nothing. God is the only one who can treat my spiritual needs, and change my heart. Only in God can I find the strength to do His will.
      The truth is, no one is truly fit to be God's child. We are all inadequate. None of us can do anything on our own, because we all fall short of God's glory. The good news is that God can and will help us. Furthermore, God has given us brothers and sisters that can encourage us and lift us up in prayer. One thing that I admire about my church is how we always make it a point to pray for each other. God didn't leave us on our own to try and live Christian lives; He gave us each other. We just have to accept that we are all inadequate and are in need of God's grace. Then we can build each other up in Christ.
-Smart