Staff Conference 2016 Testimony

“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility,”
‭-Ephesians‬ ‭2:14‬ ‭NIV‬‬‬‬‬‬
     I attended my church's staff conference as an observer recently. I wanted to share what I learned through a testimony that I wrote at the conference. Enjoy.

     The first thing I thought about after reading Ephesians 2 is who I have hostility against. The whole point of the passage is that we should not have hostility against anyone, but peace with everyone. When I think about my relationships with others, I don’t think I would describe any of them as hostile. I like to think that I am a pretty likable person, who tends to get along with most people. What application does this passage have for me?

     The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don’t have peace with everyone. Sure, I am not hostile against anyone, but I wouldn’t say that I am at peace with everyone. There are people that I know bother me; whether it be their personality, their interests, or even their dullness. I don’t actively act hostile against these people, but I often try to avoid these people. I also sometimes express my dissatisfaction with the way someone performs their duty in church. Rather than build them up, I drag them down by my unkind words. 

     I am somewhat of a perfectionist, which can be both a good thing and a bad thing. It is good because I try my best to serve the church in music and other ways. It is bad because I place my high expectations on others. While this doesn’t always cause division and hostility in church, I know it isn’t healthy. I talk behind people’s backs about how they could have done something better, rather than approach them directly. I think that by avoiding the issue, I am making peace. However, I learned in Bible study that this is not true.

     While I realized that I am not truly at peace with others, I also realized that I am not really at peace with myself. In the near future, a big transition is coming in my life. I will be moving to Dallas, Texas for work. This is extremely unsettling for me because I have so many questions and doubts. Am I able to spiritually sustain myself outside of the Washington, DC ministry? Is this really God’s will for my life? How will I feed myself? I am not only transitioning from one place to another, but from a student to a worker, a big ministry to a small ministry, and the care of my parents to living on my own. 

     With so much doubt and anxiety in my heart, I cannot be at peace. I believe that the source of these doubts is my lack of faith. Ephesians 2 claims that Jesus Himself is our peace. This means that Jesus Himself is my peace. If I do not experience peace in my life, do I really experience Jesus in my life? This passage seems to suggest that if I accept Jesus in my heart, I should experience peace. However, I don’t experience peace in the way described in the passage. I am not at peace with myself, and I am not at peace with others.

     So how can I find peace with myself and with others? Dr. Alan Wolff said something that spoke to my heart in Bible study. He said that our problem is not really hostility with others. Our problem is hostility with God. My problem is not hostility with others or myself, but hostility against God. The Bible claims that we were God’s enemies because of our sin. Sin created hostility between me and God. If God left me as I was or waited for me to turn from my sin, I would surely be doomed. Thank God that He didn’t leave me as I was. He sent Jesus to die on the cross and to be raised to life. Through Christ I am no longer an enemy of God, but I am adopted into sonship. 

     When I read verse 14 for the first time, I took it in the context of Jews and Gentiles. “For He Himself is our peace, who has made the Jews and Gentiles one…”. When I meditated more on this verse, I read it in a different context. “For He Himself is our peace, who has made sinners and Christ one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility.” He has brought me, who was once far from God, near to God. When Jesus died on the cross, He tore the veil that separated man from the most Holy Place, where God dwelt. Jesus’ death gave us access to the Father by removing the hostility between man and God created by sin. By destroying the barrier of hostility between man and God, Jesus gave us an opportunity to experience Him as our peace. 

     So I ask again, how can I find peace with myself and with others? I can find peace with myself and with others by finding peace with God. Where do I find this peace? At the cross of Jesus Christ, where there is no longer any separation between sinners and the Holy God. When I truly accept the gospel in my heart, I can experience peace with God that will overflow to peace with others and myself. I pray that I can accept the cross of Christ more deeply in my life and experience the peace that it brings in my life.

One Word: I can find peace with myself, with others, and with God because Jesus Himself is my peace.